The first time I became a mom, it was an experience unlike any other. To be filled simultaneously with so much joy, love, uncertainty and fear was a whole new world for me. Sure I had read books and talked to other moms..but now I was the mom..and it was up to ME to make sure this little person thrived. Baby is crying, oh gosh, what do I do? Feed, change, burp, still crying..now what? Oh dear, baby has hiccups..what do I do? Oh dear, baby wants to play at 3 am..what do I do? Etc, etc, etc...
Well, the second time around wasn't near as scary! In fact, I was confident and excited more than anything else! I knew what I was doing. I didn't get overly hyper -- just knew to stay calm and listen to the baby. Of course, it helped that we had past experiences to draw on now.
I also knew how to ignore certain comments and questions from people who, in all honesty, meant well but left first time mom Crystal feeling like a fool. There are just some things a new mom doesn't need to hear...and there are several things I bet she'd LOVE to hear.
#1 Thing You Should NEVER Ask a New Mom:
"Is your baby sleeping through the night?"
Seems simple enough. But for a first time mom, that question can bring about fears and doubts like no other. I can't tell you how early I started hearing that question with my first child. And of course I would think to myself "well, no, he's not..oh no..what am I doing wrong?"
Well fast forward to baby #2 and to 2nd time mom Crystal who's learned a few things. I was recently asked this question to which I replied "Well, he occasionally gives me a five hour a stretch at night, and for his age (almost 4 months) that IS sleeping through the night." Of course, this doesn't happen every night. Sometimes it's three hour stretches, sometimes four. But experienced mom says that's ok! Every baby sleeps differently. Heck, Collin didn't sleep through the night until he was 18 months old. Even now he still wakes up sometimes if he has a bad dream or doesn't feel good.
#2 Thing You Should NEVER Ask a New Mom:
"Is s/he a good baby?"
This question just annoys me. By asking it, it is implying that a baby can, in fact, be bad. How can a baby be bad? If a baby cries, does that make him/her bad? Of course not. Crying is a baby's way of communicating -- "hey, I have a dirty diaper!" or "hey, I need to eat" or "hey, I want to go to bed" or "hey, I need some snuggles!" or "hey, I have gas" or "hey, I have teeth trying to come in" --
Now I think a baby can have a more difficult temperament for sure. Collin had colic--there were times he cried for 2-3 hours stretches while we just walked him around the house, holding, hugging, sometimes crying with him. So I would have no problem saying "my baby is a bit difficult"--but to say he's bad? NEVER. It's not like the baby is laying in his bed thinking "how can I make my mom cry today?" <---that would be a bad baby...
#3 Thing You Should NEVER Ask a New Mom:
"When will you feed him/her real food?"
First off, breastmilk and/or formula is real food for baby. Give the mother a break! If she's breastfeeding, and this is her first child, she's just learning the ropes. She doesn't need to start thinking about solid foods yet. Same goes for formula feeding as well. Maybe back in the day it was okay to put rice in the bottles at 2 weeks old..but times have changed, people have learned new things! For example, many pediatricians, including my own, say to let the baby decide when s/he wants solid foods--you'll know because the baby will start reaching for your food! Breastmilk and/or formula is all a baby needs, really, for at least a year. Anything extra is just a way of introducing new textures or flavors (according to many pediatricians...including my own).
One thing at a time people, one thing at a time.
Now, we've covered the NEVERs. Let's talk about things a new mom (or heck a 2nd time mom, 3rd time mom, etc) would LOVE to hear!
#1: "Can I bring you a meal?"
Want to become my best friend? Want to make sure I give you part of the millions we're going to win someday if we ever play the lottery? Then offer to bring my family a meal once the new baby arrives. New moms (and dads) are sleep deprived and running on adrenaline as they try to learn how to care for a new completely dependent being. Offering to bring a meal means that mom or dad doesn't have to get all the groceries out, prepare the food, serve the food and/or clean up the mess from the meal. They just get to eat and be with baby. Meals, either warm and ready to eat or freezer ready are ALWAYS appreciated...for MONTHS after the baby is born!
#2: "Can I help you with some housework?"
When each of my children were born, the last thing I wanted to do was take time away from them to do laundry or mop a floor or clean a toilet. I just wanted to hold and cuddle and get to know this new person. It would be wonderful if someone called me up and said "hey! I wanted to come see you guys...while I'm there, can I throw in a load of laundry?" or "Can I fold that laundry for you?" You've just taken one thing off my dreaded to-do list...you can bet you'll be getting a Christmas card from me this year!
#3: "What time is best for us to come over?"
It's just courtesy. Please don't just show up and ring the doorbell (dear God NEVER ring the doorbell). Give me a quick call or text to see when is best to come over. As a first time mom, I was nervous about nursing my baby in front of guests -- I would make sure people came over when I thought baby wouldn't need to nurse. Of course with baby #2 I just made sure to state that our home was boob friendly and didn't care :) Ha, live and learn.
Besides that, it's quite possible I haven't showered yet...so unless your olfactory senses aren't so sharp...you'll benefit from the call or text as much as I will.
#4: "How are YOU doing?"
Sometimes, new moms want the chance to talk about grown-up stuff with grown-ups! Feel free to ask me how I'm doing. I'll be thrilled! I might talk your ear off..but you're a good friend..you won't mind!
#5: "Can I take (insert sibling's name here) to the park/movies/my house for a couple hours?"
Ok, so this is more for a mom who already has a toddler. But if you are close to the family, and the toddler/sibling is comfortable with you, offer to do something special with him/her. It will not only be nice for the toddler to get out of the house and do something just for him/her, but it gives the new mom/dad some one-on-one time with the new baby.
#6: "I'll watch the baby (kids) while you shower/take a bath/take a nap/etc."
Have a couple hours to spare, offer to hang out at my house while I take a shower or a nap! With my first, I was afraid to leave him alone -- so I would wait until my husband got home before I showered. If you come over and hold the new baby while I shower, not only will I love you, but my husband might appreciate it too--getting to come home to a wife who feels refreshed!
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What else would you add to these lists?
As I looked the diaper over, I loved the fact that it is soft cotton flannel on the outside (PUL inside) with the inside being a no-pill fleece layer--does an excellent job of wicking the moisture away from Andrew's bum! And I have found it is incredibly stain resistant!
I love that the diaper has elastic at the back that ensures there will be no blow-outs up the back. Additionally, the elastic at the legs provides the same reassurance.
